Has your child ever grabbed a toy and yelled, “Mine!” while another child stood stunned? You’re not alone. Sharing and taking turns don’t come naturally to young children. These are learned behaviors, developed slowly through practice, patience, and a lot of encouragement. While it may seem like a small thing, learning to share and take turns plays a big role in helping your child succeed in social settings like daycare, playdates, and even family life.
Why Sharing and Turn-Taking Are So Difficult
Young children are still learning how to manage their emotions, express their needs, and understand the feelings of others. Toddlers and preschoolers live in the moment. When they want something, they want it now. That’s normal. Their brains are still developing the skills needed to wait, negotiate, and consider another person’s perspective.
At this stage, many children also struggle with the concept of ownership. If they’re holding a toy, it’s “theirs.” Even if another child was playing with it two minutes ago, possession feels like a clear signal of ownership. It takes time and guidance to understand that others have feelings, too, and that fairness doesn’t always mean getting what you want right away.
Keep in mind that expectations should match a child’s age and stage. Two-year-olds may start imitating sharing behaviors, while three- and four-year-olds begin to understand the concept better, but still need help putting it into practice.
How to Teach Sharing and Turn-Taking
Model the Behavior You Want to See
Children learn a lot by watching adults. Let them see you share with others—whether it’s offering a snack, taking turns in a conversation, or waiting patiently. Narrate what you’re doing: “I’m going to let you go first, and then it’ll be my turn.” These simple actions and explanations create everyday examples for your child to follow.
Use Clear, Simple Language
Explain what’s happening in terms they can understand. Say things like, “Now it’s your friend’s turn to play with the blocks. You can have another turn soon.” Use phrases that focus on fairness, not just rules. This helps children see that taking turns means everyone gets a chance, not just the loudest or fastest.
Visual Tools Can Help
Timers work well to make turn-taking concrete. When a timer goes off, it’s time to switch. This takes the pressure off you to decide when turns end and helps children understand time-based fairness. You can also use a toy bin or turn-taking cards to create a visual cue of whose turn is next.
Praise the Positive Moments
When your child does share or take a turn, even for a few seconds, notice it. Say, “I saw you let your friend use the red car. That was kind.” Recognition encourages repeat behavior. Over time, these moments become habits.
Everyday Opportunities to Practice
Create Low-Stress Sharing Situations
At home, provide opportunities where sharing can happen naturally. Set up activities like coloring together, building with blocks, or cooking a simple snack. These shared tasks allow for turn-taking without pressure.
Incorporate Books and Stories
Reading about characters who learn to share helps children relate to the concept. When reading, pause to ask questions like, “How do you think that friend felt when they had to wait?” This helps build empathy.
Use Daily Routines
Life is full of chances to take turns—waiting to use the bathroom, helping stir during cooking, or passing food at the dinner table. These moments don’t need to feel like lessons. Just highlight what’s happening: “Thanks for waiting your turn to help stir!”
Handling Setbacks and Conflict
Stay Calm and Be Clear
When a conflict over a toy or turn breaks out, step in with calm, direct words. Try, “I see you both want the same toy. Let’s find a way to take turns.” Stay neutral and focused on guiding them through the situation rather than fixing it for them.
Teach Problem-Solving
Help children come up with their own solutions. Ask, “How can we make sure both of you get a turn?” or “What can we do while we wait?” Supporting problem-solving builds confidence and independence.
Expect Ups and Downs
Some days, your child will share beautifully. Other days, not so much. That’s okay. Consistency and patience matter. Each time you guide your child through a sharing moment, they’re learning—even if it doesn’t look perfect yet.
Building Habits That Last
Learning to share and take turns takes time, but your encouragement makes a real difference. These moments—whether on the playground or at the kitchen table—are the building blocks of kindness, empathy, and cooperation. With your support, your child will begin to understand that taking turns isn’t about giving something up—it’s about connecting with others and being part of a group.
Today, look for a moment to highlight or practice sharing with your child. It might be as small as passing a toy or waiting for a turn during a game. These everyday actions, repeated over time, help your child grow into a kind, confident person who knows how to care for others as well as themselves.